journey of an artist

Way back in grade school I used to have a collection of my drawings. Stacked inside a plastic bag, drawings in crayons and craypass, pencils and ballpoints in intermediate or grade school paper. Their were tons and tons of it, a thick pile of paper I spent time adding and arranging from the best to the worst. Drawing of various subject, I can’t even remember I don’t know when did I outgrow that hobby and decided to throw those artworks away.

Im sure you’ve been asked “If there’s one thing in life you wish you could change what would be it?” it’s a question I encountered many times, and I would always answer none, or just mention something that will satisfy as an answer. But now I realize if there is something it would be that I wish I had kept those artworks. Because it is art in its most raw and innocent form. I t is the only art that I created purely out of my heart and imagination. I t is something that I can not create again. I would give up anything to draw with out considering the principles of design, to paint with out thinking of the balance of colors, to visualize freely and passionately like a child. I would give up anything to draw again with the eyes of a child. Free.

Freedom is the basic definition of art. It is what defines art. And I worship the artists who embraces that freedom, who through the years remained child like and innocent to still be able to draw so pure. Whose artwork are not corrupt and trendy, who paints for the sake of freedom not money..

After grade school I passed the phase of crayons and ballpoints, come high school. I was introduced to sketchpads and charcoal pencil, to poster colors and watercolors, to art club and competitions, I was introduced to light and shade, to anatomy and perspective… to surrealism and realism, to Van Gough and De Vinci, To Marvel and to Manga and that when I started to lose it . The Freedom.

Slowly as my skills improve my talent slowly deteriorates, but I don’t realize that at that time, just a feeling of restlessness of incompleteness in every artwork I’ve created,

After High school, of course with no other course in mind I entered the College of Fine Arts, where everyone is weird, where everyone is cool, it’s a special world inside its freedom for all of us, but what I didn’t know at that time was I just locked myself behind bars and threw the keys away… for good. And so my knowledge became deeper, and deeper and deeper as the school enlightened. Well that was when I can no longer draw the human body without measurement, I could no longer use any color with its proper complement, I could no longer just draw senselessly, every dash, every line every color must have meaning… art became prison, and I got used to it, until it became a part of me.

After College, as most fine arts graduate who majored in advertising, I became a visualiser, my first two years working I was happy, hungry for experience, my relationship with photoshop, illustrator and freehand begun, my skills in graphic arts expanded and expanded until it became my new medium. I entered the world of advertising, in college they said art and advertising come together, but to me it will never be. As I will quote some artist define advertising as the pornography of art. Of course there is beauty, on the way an art director composes his ad, or a photographer interprets his subject, or an illustrator draws, there will always be beauty in advertising but it will never be called art. Because advertising is Limitations. You basically create to sell. You basically create for the eyes of the others. In every ad you compose there will only be a little part of you and the rest is owned by your company, your client and your target market. At first I was eager to learn, I dreamed of reaching the top.. be an art director, do this accounts win an award, work in this company.. those are my goals, I do not know when did it happen that it was like I woke up in a long sleep and the artist in me lived again. Maybe to many sleepless nights made its toll on me, maybe then I realize to be great in advertising you need to breathe, eat, and live the ads. You need to know the latest trends, you need to be aware of your market, you need to rip out concepts in your gut, concepts that you will wish your creative director will buy, your client will buy. You need to be competitive to survive.you need to super healthy to survive sleepless nights, nicotine overload, you need a dose of supplements to fight stress and stay awake, and keep up with the energy, in the end I found it senseless… in the end I felt that if I continue this path of my career ill be selling my body and soul to the industry, advertising will own me..

So now I’m slowly walking away, advertising is still a part of me because it will be my bread and butter, I am not rich to give it up, but it would be just that it would never be my life, art will be my life. but as I walked away I am hoping to rediscover the inner child in me. To create freely and passionately.. To relive the spark you feel and the excitement… It’s a long journey forward…