back to work

Back to work nanaman tomorrow, tapus na ang halos one month na vacation, back to reality, back to deadlines, hello photoshop and illustrator. Hay.. Fourth company ko na sa affinity, sa 3 years na tinatakbo ng career ku. Di naman ako nagsisisi na palitlipat ako ng work, kasi valuable experience naman ito na di ko makukuha kung nastuck ako sa iisang kumpanya. Daming magagaling na artist ako nakahalubilo na naging impluwnesya ko, naunder ako sa mentorship ng ibat ibang magagaling na creative director na nag push sa kin sa takbo ng career ku ngayun. Pero ngayun mag eexperimento ako, papasok ako sa affinity, para maiba naman, hindi ahensya ang setup nya tulad ng iba kung pinasukan pero design studio parin sya BPO style nga lang, kailangan ku lang kasi nang variation sa trabaho kasi bored na ako sa usual kung ginagawa. Baka may mga matutunan ako dito ngayun na di ko matutunana sa ahensya. Na realize ko kasi na mahirap na sunud sunuran ka nalang sa flow ng mga bagay dumadating sa buhay mu, maganda din na minsan gumawa ka ng isang drastic move na di mu alam san ka pupulutin. Pikit mata nalang, tignan nalang natin anuing mangyayari.

too wrap up in a world
I built for myself
I built it so securely
that even i can not break out of it
a world I though protected me
a world that only I exist
now it became stronger than me
and I cant let myself out
Im trap inside
alone

death is the start of a new life for those who are left behind, it is the start of realizations, of new beginnings, it brings family closer. It reconciles differences, and softens even the coldest of hearts. Its ironic that such a sad event could be a start of healing.

My family is not your traditional Filipino Family, we were brought up, liberally, at an early age I already found out the most important lesson to survive, to count on to yourself and no one else. I did not have parents who guided me through elementary, through high school or college, I did not have parents who check on my homework, who gave me curfews, who attended PTA meetings. I did not worry about staying out too late, getting in trouble, having a boyfriend in an early age, I did not have parents who pushed me to study hard, to dream big , i did not have parents who guided me every step of the way. But I have a lola, who sacrificed everything for her apos. And that why I turned out to be okay. Thats why I graduated, thats why Im happily working now in my chosen field, that why even with out a proper family environment I turned out okay. Love does so many things to people, My lolas love saved me from a life full of hatred, her love is the only thing that guided me to strive for a fuller life.

But realization often comes too late. It was too late to say thank you, or to let me show her my gratitude. But I know she left at peace, because I turned out to be okay.

The Scientist- Coldplay

Come up to meet ya, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need ya
And tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Don't speak as loud as my heart.
Tell me you love me, and come back and haunt me,
Oh, when I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing tails
coming back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start.

ust revisited

kahapon nagpunta ako ng ust para kumuha ng transcript of records, maswerte ako na yung pinagawa kong transcript 2 years ago ay nasa files pa nila, hindi na ako maghihintay ng 2 weeks para ma claim at hindi na ako magbabayad ng 200 pesos. Laki ng pinagbagu ng uste! ang daming bagung buildings! ang daming bagung parks, yung sa harap ng main building pinaganda na nila, parang feeling mo naglallakad ka sa paris na may mga pigeons pigeons pang lumilipad sa kalye.. pero ang pinaka masaya dito, nung ginutom ako at naisipan kung kumain sa labas, andun paring ang SR Cuisine, yung lagi namin kinakainan nung nagaaral pa ako, at hindi pa nagtataas ang presyo, sa 60 pesos busog ka na! ang sarap maging estudyante ule, napakaliit pa ng mundo mo, napakasaya pa noon.

bday 2007

onting drama jan

pagwalang magawa sa bahay..

new tatoo -urbandub

Great moments they pass by
If you're care less
I've been want[C9]ing to say for a long time.
Tongue tied, every time I try to talk to you
In time, I'll find the right line.


Caught a glimpse of you
I tremble every time you walk by
Hopelessly trying to find a way
To be near you, to get near you.
In my mind, plays thoughts of you all the time
I'll find the right line...

I'll bleed for you
Like a new tattoo in my heart
You'll stay permanent...

Am I too late now?
Will I find a way to get to you somehow?
She's breaking me down again
She's breaking me down.

I'll b[leed for you
Like a new tattoo in my heart
You'll stay permanent...
permanent...

permanent...

astig ads

astig ads

sbado nanaman

sabado nanaman at di pa nangangalahati ang araw bored naku... ang tagal kasi dumating nee nagtext sya ng alasais ng umaga pupunta daw sya alas dos na ala parin ang bruho, malamang nakatulog nanaman kung saan. Marami naman na ako nagawa, nagising ako ng mga 9:30, naligo kasi nawawalan ng tubig dito ng alas dyes, nagpunta ako sa barangay nagpagawa ng clearance tyaka sedula, nakipagchat, naginternet, nagsoundtrip, nanuud saglit ng eat bulaga.. at ngayun nagbloblog dahil wala na ku maisip gawin.. nakakapanibago dami kong libreng oras ngayun, ang saya pero di ako sanay kaya nababato din ako... magdidiet nga ako ngayun linggo subukan ko di kumain ng kanin, nagulat ako nagpamedical ako nung isang araw 118 na weight ko laki ng pinayat ku from 125 na usual weight ko, paabutin ko nga ng 110, kaya kaya? subukan natin wala naman ako gagawin ng dalawang linggo... di ako magkakanin at di iinum ng coke. Mamyang gabi, bday celebration ni Dey, kasu sa makati wala naman ako pamasahe papunta makati, kaya malamang di ako pupunta, dito nalang alo sa bahay tatambay ule kasama si nee yun naman routine ko.. naku nagtext pa si pie.. bday ni shanen at ni mark.. e kung wala aku pamasahe papuntang makati lao na siguro papunta caloocan. well bawi nalang ako next time..

i care

My tita heidi had lunch with us today. She just came home from a trip in Malaysia.. she was telling us about her stay there, describing Malaysia in all its glory.. she was describing this government facility, which according to her sources was suppose to be Marcos idea.. she was telling us stories about how pinays there are known as either prostitutes or domestic helpers.. malaysia, which was during marcos time was poorer than the Philippines, now is eons away from us... My dad commented that there's no longer hope for the Filipinos, we are a lost and dying breed, day by day being corrupted by those we elect in power. Which is true so true. Crime rates is soaring by the minute, when you watch the new you wont believe how desperate people are today.. This is the reason why i just close my eyes and pretend not to see or hear anything.. try to be oblivious as much as possible.. but i still see and i still hear... as i go home from work i pass by the mrt, in the stairs naked children lying down in the pavement, as i take a ride in jeepneys or fx, you have to look twice or trice on the passengers besides you to make sure you're safe, as you pass the busy streets, poverty screams right in front your eyes, as you go and receive your wage in the office, you see 10-15%of hard earned cash deducted from your wage but when you go out and go home not a single thing change around you, day by day, there's no more progress only deterioration. As years go by, family, love ones, friends, by the number decreases because all of them have lost hope and chooses to struggle in another land. Maybe that the reason, most of us no longer have hope, out hope lies in other countries, we see the green sign to go abroad we don't pause to hit the breaks. Because were all tired and hopeless. I know I am, Im still young and idealistic maybe that why i am still here, but when I'm already tired like most of us are, i know ill also leave, right now its already taking its toll, when you know you could earn more, when you know you could be safer, when you know your future could be more secure. One day like most Filipinos, I would stop caring, and i will leave, and look at the Philippines as just a sentimental place.

mahabang listahan ng kautangan

daddy- 1000
mommy-2500
zeena-2500
tisha-1000
arnee-500

wow!

2 weeks vacation pa

wow i just found out na ba baka hindi pa ako magstart ng work sa monday, may chance na aug 1 pa ako magstart sa affinity becoz dun pa makukumpleto ang batch kuh. Ayuz, so me 2 weeks vacation pa kuh... though bored na akuh, dahil siguro WALA AKO PERA kaya di ko rin maenjoy bakasyun ko. Tumigil na ako sa pagjojobhunting kasi nakondisyon na ang sarili ko na sa affinity na ako papasok..almost complete na rin naman requirements ko though may isa pa ako inaantay.. yung sa picture company. Anywys 2 weeks.. laxury na yun sa mga katulad ku nakakapagbakasyun lang pag walang trabahu.. at kung affinity nga ang next job ku malamang ito na ang last vacation ko. Anu naman kaya gagawin kuh? well ang one week pala pagnasabahay ka lang e ubud ng bagal, parang one month na yung one week kuh.Well deserve rest naman ito, sa stress na inabut ku this past monthes.. sana lang may money ako para maenjoy kuh..siguro bumabawi sa kin si lord kasi yung last na bakasyun ko ay hindi ko matatawag na bakasyun.. isa syang emotional at mental hell.Hindi ko nga namalayan na friday night ngayun eh. ang tahimik kasi ng buhay ko dito sa bahay, maulan pa so talagang ang sarap ng feeling. Nakakamiss na rin maging bored.. matagaltagal na rin ako hindi nakaramdam nito, this year lang ulet, simula grumadweyt ako ng college. o simula nung last na inbetween jobs aku.. mga 2005. Ngayun ko lagn ule naramdaman ang bahay ku, ang pamilya kuh.. nanibagu nga aku parang iba na itsura ng bahay e araw araw naman ako umuuwe.. hehe ngayun ku lang kasi napansin. Chance din na makapagbonding kami ni nee, kasi kung pareho na ulet kami busy ala na hi hello gudny nalang kami, maswerte din naman relationship namin kasi nung time na busy ako sa indio, wala pa sya job nun, so maluwag yung time nya, tapus ngayun na busy sya sa work, aku naman ang maluwag. Para siguro pag pareho na kami busy e may pundasyun kami kahit papanu. Ang sarap magbakasyun, downside lang nito eh lumalaki ang utang ko dahil walang pumapasok na income. Pero masarap sya, na minsan minsan me panahun din aku sa sarili ko di lang trabahu ng trabahu, di lang panay relationship at gimik inaasikasu, atleast ngayun bonding ako sa sarili ko.

im broke..

nagising ako ng mga 10am.. mejo masakit ulo ko dahil 4 na aku nakatulog, ngamarathon ule ng prisonbreak... as usual dahil wala ako ginagawa, maingay nanaman ang utak ko.. minsan iniisip ko baka nababaliw na ako, kasi minsan matagal ako nakatitig sa kawalan ng iisip lang.Wla pa rin sweldu, kaya mainit pa rin ulo ko, next week magstastart na ku sa new job ko, papanu kaya ako mamamasahe nito? langhiyang bellpepper yan binaun aku sa utang. nakakastress pag walang pera, lalo na pagkailangan mu sya badly.. humiram muna ako sa momy ko ng 200 para panglakad ng nbi clearance ko.. ang haba ng pila.. grabe. almost 2 hours ata ako nakapila doon. Sa awa ng dyos nakuha ku naman. Bumile ako ng sundae cone sa mc do dahil yun lang ang maafford ko,hay.. gusto ko pa naman ng cheeseburger.. kapag wala kang pera ang dami mu naiisip gawin.. sa unang sweldu ko, magpapahotoil aku kasi ang tigas na ng buhok ko.. tapos papatrim ko, papalayered ko tapus papahighlightan ko ng pula diba.. naisip ko din magukay sa cubao... magfoodtrip.. ang dami, nakakainis ang hirap ng walang pera...tom kailangan ko pumunta ng uste at kunin transcript ko, at magpa medical.. papanu kaya yun? hay naku..

coco's resolution

1. i will love my new job 100% no matter what
2. i will save save save
3. i will not drink coke and other carbonated drinks
4. i will stay out of caffeine, nicotine and alcohol
5. i will not eat rice for one month (try lang)

weekend blues

makulimlim ang weekend, parang ang bagal ng oras, nakikisabahay sa dalamhati ng panahon.
friday
Suppose to be last day ko sa belle pero hindi na ako pumasok, wala parin sweldo.. naiinis lang ako na wala na laman wallet ko, e dapat me laman sya sa mga araw na ito, di ka makagalaw dahil wala kang pera,pera na dapat merun ka. Umuwe sa bahay si nee, nanuud nalang kami ng prisonbreak, tumambay hanggang 3 pm, iniwan ku si nee sa bahay para pumunta makati interview sa the picture company, sarap ng ambiance, sa loob ng powerplant mall, ang gaan ng feeling, wish ko lang mahire ako dito.
saturday
marathon parin ng prison break..., tambay sa kwarto kasama si nee, punta sangakalan kasama exofficemates ni nee, naka 5 bote ng sanmig, sarap ng feeling pangkalimut problema.
sunday
marathon parin prison break,,,tambay sa kwarto kasama si nee
monday
di ako pumasok, tambay sa kwarto kasama si nee, wala parin sweldo sa bell.. langhiya.
bukas parang tinatamad na ako pumasok.. resigned naman na ako, pero siguro kailangan ko parin magpakita for formality sake. makulimlim parin ang panahun.. sana di makulimlim tong linggong to

isang mahabang listahan ng mga bagay na kailangan gawin ngayun isang linggong bakasyun

yahoo mababakante ako ng 1sang linggo...
1. tapusin ang prison break
2. pumunta ng nso kumuha ng birth certificate
3. pumunta ng sss at magaaply ng id
4. pumunta ng cityhall kumuha ng nbi clearance
5. magpamedical
6. pumunta ng bir magpadeclare ng head of the family
7. magpabunot at magpa jacket ng ngipin
8. pumunta ng post office at kunuha ng postal id
9, pumunta ng baranggay magpagawa ng proof of residence at baranggay id
10.linisin at iredecorate ang kwarto
11.pumunta sa ust at kumuha ng transcript of records
yahoo ang saya saya

isang mahabang listahan ng mga bagay na kailangan bilhin

1. unan mga 3-4
2. bedsheet mga 2 set
3. 80gig na hardrive
4. usb drive
5. keyboardz ng pc
6. trashcan para sa kwarto
7. tsinelas
8. 2 bote ng vitamin c
9. magukay ng mga jacket dahil tagulan nanaman
10. 10 set ng undies
11.10 set ng medjas
12.3 bra
13.payong yung matibaytibay

lunch break

what happened this week...
sat
went to trinoma kasama sila polly jam and nate,
nagstarbuck kasama si tintin, sa lahat ng highschool buddies ko sya nalang ang nayaya ku lumabas, yung iba kasi sobrang subsob ata sa trabahu, tama ba yun? lakas ng ulan paguwe sa bahay, ang bagal pa ng mamang driver ng nasakyang kung jeep.
sun
tumabay sa kwarto kasam si arnee, natulog, nanuud ng dvd, natulog, natulog nanuud dvd, naglambingan, kumain, natulug, nanuud dvd, kumain,kumain, kumain,,,
monday
tumabay sa kwarto kasam si arnee, natulog, nanuud ng dvd, natulog, natulog nanuud dvd, naglambingan, kumain, natulug, nanuud dvd, kumain,kumain, kumain,,,
tuesday
office as usual wala paring sweldu.. angst angst angst... text ko boss ko sabi ko i resign, sabi nya i understand.
wednesday
pasa resignation letter, nagkaroon ng madibdiban usapan with big boss, sarap ng feeling gaan ng feeling kahit na wala na ako pera kasi wala parin sweldu... punta ng gateway meet sa dyan para kunin ang 400 pesos ko, girltalk girltalk girltalk
thursday
ito gutom na.... ala una na at wala pa rin food,